“Why do I feel this way?” It’s a question I ask myself on a regular basis. I become disappointed easily. I have a hard time forgiving people when I feel slighted. I don’t feel comfortable maintaining eye contact. I wonder about how others view me all the time.
For a while now, I’ve been wondering if I have a light case of asperger syndrome. It made sense. A couple of weeks ago, I was watching Parenthood (one of my favorite shows) and Hank, the character played by Ray Romano, wonders if he might have had asperger’s syndrome his whole life without knowing that’s what made certain social situations so difficult for himself. I saw a little of myself in the character.
When these thoughts arise, I usually think to myself that I don’t remember things being so bad when I was younger. Is it possible I DEVELOPED Asperger’s Syndrome? Is that a thing? Or is it a social anxiety disorder? Am I a sociopath? What’s wrong with me?
Today I did a little online reading. Just to know if there’s anything to it. Some of what I read I felt applies to me. Others less so. So I didn’t find the answer I was looking for. But would knowing that I did have Asperger’s or a social anxiety disorder even make a difference? I’m wary of self-diagnoses because it’s not always easy to be completely honest with one’s self. Is a person just ascribing these symptoms on themselves because they’ve convinced themselves that it’s easier to just say, “Oh, that’s my Asperger’s talking.”
I’ll never really know for sure what my problem is unless I consult an expert and that’s something I’m not prepared to do. So I’ll just wonder.
Sorry for the head trip this week. I didn’t have a great weekend and it’s been weighing on my mind all day. It’s not the first time I’ve written a downer of a blog like this and it’s likely not the last. I hope to have something more upbeat to talk about next week! Have a good one y’all!